Sunday, July 25, 2010

There's No Place Like It

I want to go home.

This is quite difficult because I am home.

I love this place that I live. I love the slow pace of life, the simplicity of things, the lack of focus on things. I love the forest and its trees. I love having my in-laws near enough and far enough away. I love learning to make good food from simple ingredients because I don't have any other option. I love seeing my children embrace their nationality and watching them grow up in a different culture than I did, speaking fluently in a language that I still cannot express myself well in, connecting with their father because he understands It All.

Even the things that I don't like about this place I almost love. The fact that most restaurants are called "Restaurant" and most furniture stores are called "Furniture". The way teachers talk to their students. The fact that almost all lighting is either too bright or too dim and always overhead. All of the cakes that need about twice as much sugar as they contain.

I will miss it all one day if/when we move back. But still. . .

I want to go home.

I want my people.

I want my kids to attend a school system that I understand. I want to ride roller coasters. I want to have the option to buy American candy every time I go to the store (and then have the willpower not to). I want to have play dates with stay at home mothers and their children. I want to sit down on someones couch for book club and learn and laugh. I want to sing the hymns I love in English with a congregation. I want chain restaurants and end tables with lamps.

I want my people.

Is it possible to be happy in one place but want, really want to be somewhere else?

Home is where the heart is? Well, then I guess I have two hearts.

20 comments:

Kazzy said...

This is especially meaningful because you are so respectful and kind about your current home. I think you are so great that way.

But, I like your honesty in expressing what you might miss. It makes perfect sense. Might you come back here to live one day?

Lara said...

I really admire you for doing what you do and having such a great attitude.Because I don't know if I could do it!

Heather said...

You expressed that so well that now I am crying.

I felt the same way, but that was when I was just visiting for 6 months. Before my husband and I got married, we seriously considered living in Ukraine, and it would have been great. I would have loved it, but missed all the things you are missing now. I do want to go back, but I think it won't be until we are senior missionaries.

It is hard to be a foreigner.

Annette Lyon said...

This makes perfect sense--and it's the ultimate in bittersweet.

Ben said...

Oh, quit your bellyaching. ;o)

I love you, sis.

Katherine Bouldin said...

I. totally. get. it. Right there with you

Barbaloot said...

I'm with Lara---I don't think I could live in another country, so far away from family and the familiar. You're amazing.

AndyPandyJackaDandy said...

Maybe you should just keep that loving heart inside you and then home can be wherever you are! :) I understand you, lady. When do you get another excuse to visit?

Alison Wonderland said...

For some reason this made me tear up a little bit. It's not like I have any real concept of what you're going trough, (I have been out of the country but not for long enough for it to really even count) but I think it's a little like what we all feel a lot of the time. Life is hard, we try to do it right but we just don't quite make it...

Basically I think I get it because my soul feels the same way, I love what I'm learning, I love the experiences I'm going through, but I just want to go home.

Carolyn V. said...

Beautifully said. I can only imagine how difficult it must be, and also what a blessing it must be also.

I still find my self yearning for the place I grew up in, knowing that I will never be able to go back because someone else lives in that space now. But it is close and not a world away.

You are just wonderful to know what a great opportunity it is. (hugs)

Erin said...

What a neat post. It must be so hard to miss so many things, but also love so many things about where you are at.

P.S. If/when you move here, make it Southern Utah, okay?

Moody said...

It's always a trade off no matter where you are, but more so in another country all together! I will have more sympathy for the "foreigners" I meet now. They may be enjoying all the American luxuries, but probably missing the simplicities of their home countries. Hmmmm.

Melanie J said...

I feel this on such a tiny scale each time I move. I can't even imagine living in a totally new culture. But like Kazzy, I think it's awesome that you respect where you live. You're a neat lady.

Kimberly said...

I felt this (though a small wee tiny version of it) when we lived in Oregon. Oh I loved it there. In so many ways. But I yearned for home as well. And when, after four years, we did come come, it was so bittersweet. A lot of joy, but a lot of missing our old home. I still do, of course. Two hearts...oh yes.

Such a beautiful post, Lisa. It must be hard to be tugged in two directions like that. I think it's so wonderful that you don't translate missing one home into dissing the other.

Nance said...

Well said. While I don't live in a different country, I do live on the opposite side of the country from my entire family and where I grew up. And while I miss home terribly, I know that if I were there, I'd miss this home that's mine.

Elizabeth said...

You are a great example of doing something that is hard, but loving it, and sharing that love with us!! I sure miss Poland every time you write, and I know you miss it here. Good thing it isn't for eternity! :)

Heather of the EO said...

I love this post. I love how it ended.

It's hard to feel that pull, to stay balanced and content while your heart is in two places. You said this so well.

I know you have peace under it all, but it's hard to miss your people. I'm sorry.

Anonymous said...

I can definitely relate to this post! I am an American LDS mom living in Norway. I thought I was ok with living here until we visited the US this summer. Now that I am back in Norway, I feel I am experiencing culture shock all over again and I too miss 'my people'!
Amy J

Anne said...

I love this post, btw.

Susan said...

Good thing I didn't read this before now. I was already missing you so so so so much at the Lee Camp-out. We kept thinking of calling you but it was always when it was the middle of the night. (We're lame, don't forget that about your people :) )