Saturday, June 18, 2011

[Not] For Your Viewing Pleasure

Warning! Vanity (or lack thereof) post! And possibly TMI! Proceed with caution!

Who decided they were farmer's tans? Can't we all just agree to call them people-who-wear-shirts' tans? Or something?

Or nothing? Is the reason we have a name for that kind of tan at all to distinguish those of us who have one from those who have an even tan all over? Because I personally think there should be a name for the all-over kinds of tans, as if they're the funny kind to have. Maybe, like, nudist tans. Or something.

So anyway, I don't spend a lot of time in (or out of) a bathing suit. And I don't pay to have my skin color changed artificially with or without one, either. So, naturally, I have tan lines. And, really, they're not especially becoming when I do wear something that covers less skin. But I'm kind of okay with that.

And when I do decide to wear a swimsuit, It's not necessarily going to be all that pretty, either. Not just because of the tan lines, but because I don't quite look "pretty". As a matter of fact, in recent weeks my weight has inexplicably been fluctuating about 2-4 pounds. When I don't have the extra few pounds I feel almost thinish (by my own, liberal standard, which still doesn't qualify for "pretty in a swimsuit" by any stretch), but on the days that those dear pounds decide to come back for a visit, I become much-less-than thin. They are the exact 2-4 pounds that trigger the ballooning effect that my, we'll just say "lower torso/hip area" suffers from. And I'm still going to put on a swimsuit. And I'm kind of okay with that.

And I have mentioned the veins on my leg. I had planned to never wear shorts again for the rest of my life. But now I realize I was being a bit over dramatic. When it's hot, covering your legs makes no sense no matter how much you don't really want to show them off. Capris are what I go for. And if anyone looks, they will see those lovely green and purple lines, and I apologize for that. But I'm kind of okay with it.

Because, really, I'm not putting on a show. I'm just kind of living, you know? And I know that some people are putting on a show (like the girl I saw today who had put a little too much glowing bronzing cream on her very pushed up, largely exposed, overly tanned breasts). And that's okay. Well, preferably with a little less cleavage, though. But wanting to look good is a good thing. Heck, even I want to look good! But I'm sort of okay with just living the life I love and not worrying too much about how I look while I'm doing it. You know?

I guess "kind of" are the key words... Maybe next year I'll be SO okay with it, I won't even write an entire post about it!


Melissa said...

Oh my gosh. I could've written this post. Seriously almost everything you said is something I have experienced/thought/said. Funny. With the exception that I don't tan at all so my veiny legs are just purple and bulgy and plain white.
Also, I think you look really good.

Melissa said...

I feel the same way you do! And I always tell myself as I go to the store at night with a black jacket and brown shoes that nobody will care about my fashion faux pas, and if they do, I am sorry that they have to think about my egregious judgment in the fashion department.

Loralee and the gang... said...

I am getting kind of tired of the public fixation on looking perfect, so your post is very very refreshing. I exercise to be fit, but have resigned myself to not being perfect. So I totally get what you are saying here.

Kazzy said...

I just bought a new swimming suit the other day and didn't hate it, or me. That was a big step for me.

It is only on a vacation that I care about tanning, etc. But I can't lie and say looking good doesnt matter to me. I wish I could say I lost 30 lbs for my health alone, but that would not be true. I love being a size 6!

Lisa said...

I live in Hawaii, so swimsuits are a must. And, I've always been heavy. My most recent favorite suit is a swimdress...and I love it! I feel like I'm in a coverup, but fitted underneath... comfortable and functional.

Thanks for your post, at this time of my life, I'm striving for healthy self-acceptance as well. Exercise for fitness not rock hard abs...

Lara said...

I'm definitely okay with Farmer's tans, or Mormon girl tans, as it were. I also have a lovely watchline.

I'm not yet okay with wearing a swimsuit, but of courswe, it's not just 2-4 pounds with me. It's more like 20-40. We'll get there! :) (I still wear a swimsuit, and maybe I'm kind of okay with it.)

Melanie Jacobson said...

I like it when I can get to the "kind of okay" point. That's actually a pretty good head space.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

I'm just kind of living, you know?

BRILLIANT. I need to "just live" more. Awesome post, Lisa!

Lacy@uphillandsmiling said...

Oh, I am so getting all the veins on my legs... and you know, I'm like you, I'd much rather be cool... I don't care. :)

When I was in college, one of our a Capella groups sang a great song called "Farmer Tan" I'll never forget it:

farmer tan, on his neck and arms
farmer tan, the secret of his charms,
every girl wants a man with a farmer tan.
brown arms
red neck
white chest
the best you've ever seen!