Wednesday, January 11, 2012

For Those Days When You Wish You Were Renting

I know there are times when every home owner wishes they were renting.  This post is for those people.  The next time you find yourself replacing the air conditioning/water heater/driveway/whatever, think back to this post and remember: this will never happen to you.  And be grateful.

Here is what our new door looks like (in "bad" (good for me) weather/lighting).

Note the doormat, which does not say "DOMOWA"
You can also see the large "3" placed too high.  And crooked.  But we didn't expect much more of the guys who put the door in.  What really surprised us was the handle.


Now, I'm not saying that it's ugly (saying being the operative word, because that happens to be exactly what I'm thinking).  I'm only saying that I wonder who picked out this handle.  That's all I'm saying.

It's metal.  It's aaaaa....n interesting design.  And it's huge.  To put it in perspective let's compare it to a hand that uses it regularly.


Now, this hand, while certainly having proportionally larger proximal interphalangeal joints* than many other hands, is no smaller, in a general way, than regular-people hands.

It is a large and mysterious handle.  And if you own your home, you are unlikely for THAT to be the first thing that greets your friends and neighbors.  I mean, it wouldn't be if you didn't like it.  And that's why you should be happy you own your home.  THE reason. (Well, that and the option to hang your own house number properly.)

*Yes, I looked that joint thing up.  But see how smart I'm getting!?!  For those of you not in a position to smarten up at such an amazing rate as myself, you may refer to the joints as PIP joints.  The website I found it on says so.

14 comments:

Liz said...

Yikes. That is a very ugly door. The knob, 'might' not be so bad if it fit the home or the door at all. Sheesh.

Heidi said...

YOU are hilarious! And, gee, that's some big door handle!

Heidi said...

My secret code word was "mandang" for "Man!" and "Dang!", that's some ugly door handle!

Barbaloot said...

Um-I kind of like the handle. Maybe not in the context of the door to which is it fastened...And also maybe not in a daily use sort of appreciation. But I can picture it on something that might be more appropriate.

Nathan said...

Nothing quite says, "Welcome to Cell-block 3!" more than a stark metal door with a huge metal handle forged in the fires of Mordor. (The vague roseate pattern does nothing to ameliorate its angry demeanor.) Talk about announcing to neighbors that you don't trust them and that you have something to hide! "This is to make sure you keep your PIPs off my stuff!"

Nathan said...

And by the way, I think you've succeeded. Next time I'm fixing a toilet, dealing with water in the basement, or up to my elbows in icy, leafy water full of dead insects because the gutters are overflowing again, I shall remember your door and try to be grateful that I'm a homeowner. Thanks! :)

Carolyn V said...

Wow, that is a big door handle! Whew!

Nutella407 said...

I have to say...THAT HANDLE IS AWESOME!! Put that thing with a twin on two huge heavy wooden doors on a Wood-Elf hall in some deep dark forest and it wouldn't seem out of place at all. Do you have to use two hands to turn it? I totally picture you setting down your groceries to open the door with two hands.

Lara said...

Thank you for making me laugh today. :)

And I will remember this the next time I have to replace my roof or something. After all, I get to choose my doorknob!

And goodness! Do you have to use two hands to open that thing? So much for entering the house loaded down with groceries!

Kazzy said...

I think the door looks fab, big gray square knob and all! Does it turn?.

Susan said...

I was laughing as I read your post, then again as I read the comments. Even Lily and Beth and their friend who Owen could appreciate the post, just by way of each of the three pics shown in succession.

Melissa Bastow said...

HA HA, that thing is horrific. I feel better about my doorknobs now. If only your door had a big gargoyle-esque doorknocker to accompany it.

Melanie Jacobson said...

I would like to have that door knob because you know why? CONVERSATION STARTER. And how.

AndyPandyJackaDandy said...

WOW. I am in awe. I wanted to comment, but I had to scroll back up and check out that handle 3-4 more times first. What I am interested in is the fact that you had no say in this matter...?