Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Brownies for Lisa (a Charity)

People who give up on their diet three days in deserve congratulations too, don't they? I mean, that was a hellish three days. Sure they may be quitting and showing a serious lack of stick-to-itiveness, but do you realize what that person went through?

For example, she (let's assume it's a girl) may have not had any starchy foods at all that whole time, even when she went to a local bakery and bought a drożdżówka z serem (yeast roll with sweet (cream) cheese) and broke it up and fed it to her little boys. By hand. Not even a crumb! H-E-double-hockey-sticks, I tell you.

She may have made regular dinners for the rest of the family containing things like pasta and homemade bread dough (for pigs in a blanket. Said dieter may not be very strongly opposed to good quality hot dogs (making the resisting of the pigs harder than you might expect). In fact she and her birthday brother may have requested them every year for their birthday dinner growing up.)

She may have been deprived of sweets. Sure she could possibly have used sweetner (ICK!) in more than a few cups of fat-free hot cocoa. And maybe she's allowed diet coke (which she doesn't care for but drinks because it's something resembling something sugar-sweet.)

But if this is a person who has spent years living on baked goods, doing away with starch and sugar and fat is literally HELL. (just kidding. I DO know what hell is and what literally means. I'm using hell as a metaphor so therefore I don't actually mean it literally.)

So, yeah. I totally feel like giving up! But I won't! See, I fooled you into thinking I'd quit, but no. Not me! Especially since I lost half the weight I want to lose in the first three days of the diet. I'd be stupid to stop now!

The thing is, I REALLY need some peanut butter brownies. I absolutely must make these ones, which are good, chewy, brownie textured brownies that are deliciously peanut buttery. Simple but fabulous (if you cook them the right length of time). Or maybe these ones. A bit more involved and with a different texture but completely addicting. I've made them both many times and I need to make them right now.

Unless someone would be so good as to do it for me? Maybe someone who's not on a diet (oh, who am I kidding, it's the week after New Years: everyone is dieting.) Please bake a batch of one or the other and eat it for me, would you?

See, this is exactly my problem. Sure I am excited about getting down to my ideal weight; who doesn't love sweaters to look better on them? And sure I hope to have amazingly beautiful skin like Greg's, but mostly I want to cut back on baked goods.

I am, apparently, incapable of just plain cutting back. I can't bake something and then not snack on it all day. It is lame. (and I can't just not bake, either) Knowing quite a bit about the Dukan diet, and having seen Greg and both his mother and sister benefit greatly from it, I thought it was the perfect way to completely break away from my eating habits. I needed an actual list of foods I cannot eat if I want the diet to work. And brownies had to be on that list.

So here I am, not eating cookies or brownies for three days in a row. And I'm not even dying! Almost, but not all the way. This extreme phase will be very short for me and then I'll be allowed a splurge twice a week (eating a completely regular meal or even a dessert. Of course I will choose dessert). When the diet is over I will only allow myself to bake dessert one night a week and have to make it last two or three nights for dessert. The other nights I'll buy exotic fruits or give the kids chips or some other treat we don't eat a lot of.

I can do this. And I will! Especially if you'll go and bake and eat that batch of peanut butter brownies on my behalf!

P.S. I never thought I would do a "fad diet" like this. I have never dieted, but I feel like this one makes sense, especially for what I need it to do for me. Also, I apologize for all the swear words in this post.

14 comments:

Annette Lyon said...

You've lost 1/2 of the weight in THREE Days? Whoa. I'd say that's reason enough to stick to it. Hang in there!

Karen E. said...

I feel your pain. And I think dieting and swearwords always go hand in hand. :)

Kimberly said...

I totally agree with Karen. Totally.

And you my friend are HILARIOUS, and also, all kinds of awesome.

Kazzy said...

You know what, the absolute ONLY reason I have to restrict what I eat is so that I maintain a decent weight (being genetically and psychologically predisposed to being fond of food and chubbiness). Seriously, if I were built all cute and slender like you I would eat whatever the heck I wanted.

Heidi said...

Hee hee, you're so funny. So funny, in fact, that I laughed as soon as I read the title of this post because I anticipated the hilarity that is Lisa. I would be happy to be charitable on your behalf if it weren't for this darn gluten thing. I have a system that sort of works, though. I'll bake something (gluten free, of course) and then cut it up into servings sizes and freeze them. That way, I have to think ahead and defrost it and it makes it harder to just snack on it. Just a thought . . .

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

:)

Melanie Jacobson said...

This is one of those dieting posts that made me really, really hungry.

Barbaloot said...

Whenever I diet, I spend WAY more time looking at yummy recipes and wanting to make them than usual.

Good luck:)
I won't make the brownies, cuz even thought I'd do it for YOU, I'd be the one eating them all.

Carolyn V. said...

I'm trying to eat better, just because I've started having some heath issues, but it is so hard!!! Especially when there is left over cookie dough in the fridge. *sigh*

L.T. Elliot said...

Ditto on the swearing and dieting. PB & J, those two. ;P

Proud of you! Hang in there!!

Moody said...

I've been craving something today, and thanks to you I think I figured out what. Not PB brownies, but brownies nonetheless. Hang in there...baked goods are my downfall too.

Erin said...

I hear ya. I love carbs WAY too much to give them up. I wish you the very best of luck with this diet!

I'm just going to warn you, in the blog post I wrote for today I suggested the fact that I am going to make a dessert this week. Just know that I am not writing it to make you jealous. Maybe you shouldn't click over...

Erin said...

I definitely want to make those brownies. I have never tried peanut butter brownies and now I am having a serious craving.

Heather of the EO said...

You are cracking me up. It IS hard and you're doing great. Wow. Half the weight so fast? Pretty soon you'll be using swear words for how great you look :)