Saturday, December 13, 2008

Um, Now What?

Continued from the previous post. You might want to skip this one if you don't like people over-sharing on their blogs (but I'm posting it because I'm comfortable with anyone reading it who wants to).
I was so happy to be pregnant again. It had been so long. I'd had my body all to myself for more than two years now, after 3 1/2 years of sharing it with my little ones, and it felt great to be sharing again. Well, not literally. It actually felt pretty awful, but I was glad, and that was the part that felt great.

Of course we didn't tell anyone. Since we weren't feeling perfectly confident in the outcome of this pregnancy we were keeping things to ourselves. I scheduled my first appointment with my OB/GYN at ten weeks. At this time we were planning our yearly trip to the states (just me and the kids). My appointment fell on the day before our flight out of Warsaw. It was a crazy time planning that trip, it always is, and we bought our tickets just a couple of weeks before we would leave. I was excited. Very. I always am.

A few days before the day of our departure, I started feeling more confident about the pregnancy. I was almost at week ten. That's pretty far! I knew there were a couple more weeks before we were clear, but I was still happy. We were going to be in America for a few weeks and I planned that when my family had our big get-together I would tell everyone that we were expecting. It was perfect.

The day before my doctor's appointment (and two days before our flight out) I started spotting. Oh! This had never happened during my other pregnancies, but I'd read thousands of times that it wasn't a definite sign of anything (but of course I had all kinds of thoughts swirling around in my head). We called the doctor and switched my appointment for that day.

We met him at the hospital, where he worked and where I always had my ultrasounds, and went into the darkened room. He squeezed the freezy-cold gel onto my still flat tummy and started looking. He knit his brow pretty early on and it stayed that way while he squashed me around for a few minutes. He said he couldn't see a heartbeat. He measured the fetus and proclaimed that it was a seven week old embryo. What? How could that be? I was almost ten weeks along!

He started explaining and the term "missed abortion" popped into my head, from one of my pregnancy books. That's what it was. He said I would miscarry any day now.

Hmm. "Any day now" I had other big, important plans, too. Expensive ones. Exciting ones. Physically and emotionally draining ones. But now we had something to factor in, and I was feeling the difficulty of following through with both of these plans that were to come to fruition "any day now."
***Click here for continuation***
I want to type more but we're supposed to leave in fifteen minutes for a weekend trip and I have a head of hair to cut, a suitcase to pack, rolls to bake, a shower to take and a baby to get ready. Think I can do it? Also, since I have to leave the story here, please remember that I was already emotionally prepared for this. The real stress and difficulty at this point, was reconciling my trip with my medical situation. Probably sounds bad but, as I say, I look at things practically.

18 comments:

Heather of the EO said...

WOW. I can't even imagine that kind of stress. Yes, bad timing in a practical way, but still emotionally draining too.
I'll be looking forward to more.
Have a good weekend!

Bebe said...

So disheartening.

JustRandi said...

Wow. That makes you think twice about boarding a transatlantic flight, doesn't it?

I want to hear more!!
But I hope your weekend is fantastic. And how can it not be, if it starts with baked rolls??

Annette Lyon said...

That reaction makes perfect sense, though--you're going home to see family, and the last thing you want to do is be laid out and cramping--or doing that on the plane.

More, please.

Heidi Ashworth said...

The exact same thing happened to me--minus to trip from Poland to the U.S. That certainly ups the tension factor in this story! Hope you have/had a great weekend trip!

Lara said...

Like Heidi, I had this exactly happen (but not plane trip)...a "missed abortion" at 10 weeks.

Have a nice trip, can't wait to read the rest of your story!

Alison Wonderland said...

Sad but I'm pragmatic like you and I think my biggest concern would have been the travel too. I'm interested to hear the rest, I sense a twist coming on.

Erin said...

Ugh. That is scary.

Have a nice weekend. Were you able to do all 10 things in 15 minutes?

Kazzy said...

Oh, I am sorry about your story. I never had a miscarriage, but I am sure it is awful. And the timing was bad there too. Planning a big trip like that is a huge thing, and then to have gotten the news you did. Ugh.

Hope your weekend is a good one! "See" you on Monday.

Moody said...

I think it's interesting what your intuition was telling you about this pregnancy. I can't imagine having that big trip just days away and getting news like this though.

Melissa said...

I HAVE had this happen, and on a plane, too. We were moving to California and I started bleeding heavily on the way to the airport. I was not prepared with anything and kept praying it would stop, but it didn't. I was finally inspired to use one of my daughter's diapers as a pad, or I would have bled all over the plane. And that's only part of the sad story. It was a really bad day.

Thora said...

I'm sorry! I had a missed miscarriage - I found out at 12 weeks, and I was moving three weeks from that point. I was quite stressed about it all - I really wanted to just miscarry and be able to move on (and move states). I hate being in limbo. Also, I'm wasn't quite sure how to feel about having a miscarriage. I mean, it was sad; I wanted the baby. But I knew that I could get pregnant again, so it was more the like wasted time and potential that drove me crazy. So I didn't really mourn very much over the miscarriage itself - hence why the move was my big concern. (Oh, and I miscarried a week before I moved, and everything turned out fine, because then I got pregnant with Elisheva three months later, and it turned out to be better timing all round. I love happy endings).

Whew, sorry to blather on and on about my own life in this comment; that's the way I usually try and relate to people, but usually I just end up sounding stuffy instead, especially in writing. So remember, what I was trying to say was I'm sorry, and I can sort of relate.

Sue Q said...

Goodness. I can't imagine this kind of emotional turmoil. (And you're planning on walking out the door in HOW many minutes???)

Jen said...

Nice timing. I hope you went on your trip! Miscarriages are aweful, but there's nothing like jumping back into life to help get over them.

T and T Livesay said...

So sorry!

Anne said...

I'm so glad I already know the rest of the story! I don't think I could wait to find out!
I think you can definitely at least get Aaron ready to go in fifteen minutes!

Kimberly said...

What a place to leave the story! Wow. Travel safe!

Abra said...

WOW! Yup. What Kim said up there.

Did you say a baby to get ready? Am I missing something? Sorry, I've just started reading you, and I'm not sure...