How to Have an Unforgettable Weekend

Start by getting ready on Saturday morning for an overnight trip for which you are leaving on...Saturday morning. Laugh while racing around the house getting things ready when you think back on all the times people have said, "Oh, you must really have the packing-for-the-weekend thing down." Falser words were never (or rarely) spoken.

Finally leave the house only one and half hours later than you had originally intended.

Realize when you are almost out of town that you left the "food bag" with the sandwiches and drinks on the floor in the hall. Be very mad at self for forgetting. Drive back to get the food bag.

When your husband comes back to the car with the bag, be terrified to learn that you had left the iron on. Oh My Gosh (that's a verb) for 10 minutes. Realize that you were obviously inspired to leave the food bag at home, and wonder why you weren't just inspired to turn the iron off before leaving with the food bag, instead.

Prepare your talk for the meeting on the drive. (This will be significantly easier if you did a mini-prep in your head while washing dishes the night before)

Because you are conducting this meeting, in the five minutes before it starts, try to choose hymns that are appropriate to the subject of the meeting. This will require searching through many titles, and determining whether or not there is something in each song about the subject, using either your memory, or your extremely slow skimming through Polish skills. In the same five minutes meet and greet a dozen sisters who you love and haven't seen for a while and would like to have an actual conversation with instead of glancing up from a hymn book to say "Oh!! Hello! I'm SO glad to see you, even if it looks like I'm much more glad to see this hymn book!" Realize that sometimes 5 minutes isn't quite enough time in which to choose two hymns.

While giving the talk (in Polish) realize that you were wrong in the past to be slightly annoyed with people who nod their heads throughout a talk or lesson. Feel very grateful that most of the sisters listening to your talk nod their heads periodically throughout. Suppress the nagging feeling that those nods might just imply, "Yes, we heard the part about 'the closer we draw to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, the easier it will be for us to love and forgive each other and be closer as sisters in Relief Society.' " because you are very much aware of the fact that you said that sentence, or a very similar one at least 4 or 5 times. Instead, tell yourself that they're assuring you that they understand your Polish and agree with what you're saying.

When you get to the hotel learn that because they are booked, besides the double bed (which, you'll remember, you and your husband don't share with kids) there is only a little fold out bed with a small blanket and pillow plus one other blanket. As in NO CRIB. Act bewildered/frustrated (because you feel that way) and tell your husband that you think it's a terrific idea for him to figure out how to make it all work. Once he comes up with a plan, point out it's weaknesses and make a few minor changes to it and one major one. Wonder why he puts up with you.

After sleeping for 1 1/2 hours waken to the screaming of the baby who has not only slid off the bed, but ended up under the chair you put against the bed to prevent that from happening. As you try to extract him in the dark realize that, while his body is under the chair, his head is trying to get under there with the rest of him, but can't get past the bar that goes across the legs of the chair. When your husband wakes to help you rescue the wailing child, and starts lifting the chair, scream at him (over the baby noise) NOT TO LIFT THE CHAIR because baby's head is stuck in there funny. Finally, through teamwork, release the child, and hug and rock him until the whimpering stops. Lay him back down and rethink your safety measures.

Don't fall back to sleep for 2 hours because there are some extremely loud guys standing outside.

20 minutes after you finally do fall back to sleep, waken again and realize that you have to get rid of the stupid bed the baby's on and just put the thin mattress on the floor. Learn that this is MUCH harder than it seemed at the time the idea popped into your head, as the mattress is connected with some funky hooks. Work up a sweat, but finally succeed and be grateful the baby is safe.

Don't really fall back to sleep until an hour before your alarm will go off. Wake up again 15 minutes before alarm time because of the noisy neighbors. Get out of bed and try to open your dry puffy eyes. Realize that you got less than 3 hours of sleep, all broken up. Fear for your ability to stay awake/not explode at the children during a 3 hour meeting.

Learn at checkout, that The Soccer Game last night (a BIG one) took place in the very town you're in, hence the noise (the non-baby related noise) all night long.

Survive and enjoy the meeting and finally head home through the autumnal beauty that is the Polish countryside. Wonder how your husband stays awake the whole drive.

Be grateful that the items listed above are not the only things you remember from the weekend because you heard some amazing words and music, and are on the road to an improved life because of them (you really are! Er, I actually am!! We had a terrific District Conference, and between that and the General Conference talks we listened to on the drive, I'm a new person. This is the part of the post in which I am being serious.)