Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I Have Another Question (#2)

What are your thoughts on/experience with the marriage rule of never going to bed mad?

My answer:

If I had followed that rule I would have probably been awake since sometime in the early months of our marriage.  When it's late I seem to lose all sense of... everything, and am likely to become a bundle of resentment and/or despair with little willpower to put toward seeing reason/forgiving/admitting I'm wrong/getting the heck over it.  Plus, we're not the best communicators.  So I/we go to bed mad.

By the time I wake up I have a fresh new, or rather, an 8 hour-old, sense of resentment and/or despair over the injustice that is my marriage but by then, or sometime that day I get sick of  talking to Greg only when necessary and in as robotic a tone as I can muster (so mature!), so I stop it and everything goes back to normal (within a day or two)  i.e. I start thinking he's one of the best people in the world.

I can't wait until we're perfect and Greg and I are finally decent communicators and he finally understands that I'm always in the right.

10 comments:

Loralee and the gang... said...

I often go to bed mad, but with me, I forget all about the fight/disagreement by morning. Sometimes it really IS good to have a bad memory...:-)

Erin said...

I am always a million times more agreeable after some sleep. I don't know why I keep hearing this counsel. I am all for forgetting it by morning.

Annette Lyon said...

Yes, yes, yes!

I've always hated that "advice."

When you're both tired, you can't think straight, and your emotions run really high--you're likely to say things you don't mean, and you (and here I'm talking about ME) are liable to say things you don't mean.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

Yes! Having ''discussions'' when you're exhausted is not good timing! I totally agree!

Janine said...

The tradition for us started when we hit those "How annoying!" moments. Initially I would say, "I am probably just tired" to avoid an argument, and then found out that most mornings when I woke up it was absolutely true, I was just tired! And 100% of the time I was glad we both got a good nights sleep instead of saying stupid things.So I say, go to bed, and just tell yourself you are tired. If you are like me, you probably are! :)

Lindsay said...

I have a hard time going to bed actually MAD. I mean, if I'm ticked, and Michael falls asleep, I get even MORE mad. And then I just lay there steaming. I AM however, a big proponent of going to bed with an issue unresolved. I have to be on good terms though. I mean, we have to at least say that we love each other and acknowledge that it's too late for the discussion, and we'll pick it up again later. So then I guess I'm not technically MAD, even if I'm still upset about something. It would be hard for me to go to sleep knowing that he was mad about something. Agreeing nicely to put it off until morning is another thing. THAT I can do.

Thora said...

I think the advice actually means, not Solve all problems before going to bed('cause some problems/disagreements can last for years, really (I'm thinking like how to educate your children, or something that's ongoing), but rather, don't go to bed upset/angry. As in, before bed you should be able to say a prayer together, and say I love you, and kiss good night. So, be able to step back far enough from whatever you're disagreeing on to acknowledge your love and marriage and stability, and then work things out in the morning, or whenever - when you have more ability to be coherent and aren't super tired (if you care at all, even, by that point).

Melanie Jacobson said...

Due to his parents' marriage, my husband came into ours assuming he would never be right. It's worked out well for us.

Kazzy said...

LOL, Mel!

I think that advice is good in theory, but not practical all of the time. We never talk about important things after 10. Never works.

Carolyn V said...

I can't sleep when my hubby and I are fighting. Not even when I'm super tired. But there have been times when I get some sleep and can't remember why I was mad in the first place. ;)