Thursday, June 2, 2011

Quickly! Turn Me Upside Down!

It doesn't happen very often, but some days I just spend a lot of time thinking about the things I can't stand about myself. And

1. I think about how poor I am because I get so tired of bathing children and doing the entire Before Bed Routine at the end of the day when I'm already all mothered out, and my husband almost never does it.

2. I listen to Aaron stomp his feet and declare that he "doesn't like the stupid (insert noun)". He makes angry faces and sometimes screams and is a total grouch. Then he has to stand facing the wall because he said one (or more) of his favorite bad words (hate, stupid and shut up).

3. Evie and David bicker and annoy each other and seem to have absolutely no positive feelings for each other. Even after the long discussion we had on Saturday about how we're all playing on the same team and should be encouraging and supporting each other, which they seemed to totally understand and agree with.

4. Spencer wiggles and giggles and generally makes changing his diaper an extremely frustrating minute and a half, no matter how seriously I tell him to stop or even if I get mad.

Then I think about

1. How I'm terrified of being a nagging wife so I rarely ask Greg to do the things that we seem to have established (non-verbally) are my responsibilities. (and there are a hundred other reasons why it's not his fault). Instead I just sit around feeling sorry for myself and my terrible lot in life.

2. How often Aaron sees me get frustrated or annoyed with something small when I should really just fix it and move on.

3. How often I forget to be positive and encouraging to my kids when trying to help them overcome their little faults, but come across as critical or annoyed instead.

4. The few times in a row that I tickled and played with Spencer just before or after changing a diaper, even though I knew I would pay for it later when he wanted to play before/during/after every diaper change.

And I realize that I've created all these monsters. And I think even more about how I sick I am of me.

Then we get out of the house and when we cross a street I help Aaron walk his bike and he says, "I can do it, but thanks, mom, for helping me." And when we pass a little store he asks if we can go get an ice cream. When I say no he says, "But you only have to buy it for one guy: for me!" And I smile.

And my phone rings and Greg says he has a question for me, "Tell me what you think about this: When the kids come home from school we go for a picnic. Just you and me."

And I think that's a great idea. And I think I'm going to pull out my scriptures*, for goodness sake, and start being more like the person I want to be instead of thinking about how different I am from her. I'm gonna smile this frown away.
*A very real key to my happiness and one that I forget about waaaaay too often and just read a quick chapter before bed instead of actually studying.


Carolyn V said...

I love this post Lisa! I struggle with some of the same things (although we are out of the diaper stage now). Well said. =)

MelancholySmile said...

Wonderful post and so inspiring. We're all fighting the good fight, but it's nice to be reminded that others struggle {and overcome!} as well.

Now I want to go on a picnic with my husband! What a marvelous idea. :)

Moody said...

So true Lisa...we all have our monsters we've created and it's up to us to turn things around instead of mope. You have an awesome family (and hubby!)

Erin said...

Yep. Yep yep yep. My facebook status update today talked about how much my boys are bickering with each other, and they drive me crazy! Of course, they play really well with each other a lot of the time too. I just, apparently, felt like paying attention to the negative today.

And, as evidenced in my blog post today, I am really starting to be more like the person I want to be. And I like her (me)!

Lacy@uphillandsmiling said...

I love this post!! I think the same things sometimes... summer always has a rough start at our house with very similar happenings... Thanks for reminding me about a positive attitude and getting back to the basics... Reading the scriptures EVERY day is so important.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I just want to add that sometimes we think these things are our fault because we're not doing something right as a mother. Sometimes that's true, but a lot of times it's just the nature of children and motherhood in general. Our kids WILL fight. They WILL say mean things. They WILL make us crazy on some days. It's not our fault; the hard part is figuring out how to not turn into a monster over it all.

Lara said...

It is always wonderful when we turn to ourselves to see how we can change a situation. Maybe we can't in the long run, but I'm sure that doing what we can is much better tan bemoaning ourselves! Great post!

Kazzy said...

Step by step as we try to become who we want to be.

But with that said, it wouldn't hurt to have a nice calm sit down every now and then to reevaluate things. We have been married for 24 years and still need to do that every now and then. :)

Melissa said...

Lisa, I love this post. And I also feel bad about the monsters I have created. But then I remind myself that some of them came as monsters, and I'm doing my best to de-monsterize them. Some days I do better than others, but if you hang in there, so will I :)

L.T. Elliot said...

Your voice sounds like my voice. It's hard to remember and hard to let yourself forget some of the bad habits and monsters you create. I'm trying to embrace instead of harp myself to death. But it's hard. Love yourself. Because I do. (Love you, that is.)

Melanie Jacobson said...

You have just perfectly encapsulated my entire parenting experience.

Kimberly said...

Oh how I just GET this. ((hugs))