Saturday, November 22, 2008

Launch A Big Orange Rabbit

Okay, someone nominate me for a prize for most creative post title, please. Do you see? It's one of those the first-letter-of-each-word-combines-to-make-the-secret-word things.
Becky asked: Do you have any crazy pregnancy or labor stories? I love hearing about that stuff! (Seriously. I'm weird that way.)
To which I respond a) I'm pretty sure we're all weird that way, which means none of us are weird and b) I am a mother: OF COURSE I HAVE CRAZY PREGNANCY AND LABOR STORIES!!
That's how I respond. And then I elaborate a bit, like this:
Evie was born at the (newly renovated, luxury hotel style) UVRMC in Provo Utah, where I was born twenty-three years earlier. I was induced because she was stressed in the womb. I kept waiting for them to tell me it was time for the epidural. They didn't and finally when I was getting weepy from the pain I asked when they usually give it. The nurse said, "When the mother asks." I really wanted to be brave but it was a whole lot less than comfortable so I got the epidural. After that it was much better. Except she kept not coming. And finally they told me to prepare for a c-section. And I was sad. And Greg gave me a blessing, and then the nurse came in and said, "Woah! What happened! Here she comes!" Then I was happy and my little girl was born and I didn't feel a thing (except the straining and the tightness).

When David was born we were in Mielec but the maternity ward was closed for disinfection, which they preform once or twice a year and must close down the ward for like a week each time, I think. They aren't big on cleanliness at this hospital (I know because I was in there for five days with pre-term labor, until I begged to go home and my doctor said he couldn't stand to see women cry and so let me go home on strict bed rest and I was thinking "how do you get to be the head of the maternity ward and never get used to women's tears?") Since the ward was closed they shipped me by ambulance (no siren, though) to the next nearest hospital about a twenty minute drive away. This is in a very small town. The doctor was great. I learned something there. They don't give any sort of anesthesia before the birth, only a local one right before they stitch you up. Then I learned that it hurts very, very badly to give birth. I also learned that somehow, you magically don't die, no matter how badly you wished you could have.

Then with Aaron, I went to our hospital here in town and re-learned that labor is extremely painful. And I really couldn't handle it. I couldn't. And then, again, I didn't die.

I think having children is magical. Especially because you don't die. (and also because of the children)

I know I didn't really give the stories here, but maybe I will some day. But I would like to tell the story of the ending of a pregnancy that didn't result in a baby, if you know what I mean. And I will, soon, unless you tell me in the comments that that would be disgusting and how could I ever even consider it. To which I respond: because it was one of the biggest adventures of my life.
That's how I respond and then I elaborate a bit. . . if you don't mind?


Erin said...

What great stories. I'm at the edge of my chair waiting to hear the next one. Yes, please write it!

Rick said...

I was doing a bit of blog surfing and was going to type some kind of humorous reply, but your last comment set up a serious tone, but so I couldn't. That is a curiously leading suggestion at the last. I feel badly for any mother that has experienced a pregnancy that didn't result in a baby. My wife included.

Thora said...

I've heard that the contractions that being induced give you are horrible - really long and hard! Way to make it through labor! (Also, of course I would love to hear about your pregnancy that did not result in a labor - I don't think that's disgusting at all.)

Kazzy said...

I am still shocked that so few women die in childbirth, at least in more developed countries. Right when we moved here to Springville I met a new friend who had just lost her little sister that way though. So hard.

No epidural until you ask? If it is your first baby they should at least inform you of that! Sheesh.

Four c-sections for me. No dilating, no matter how long the pitocin is running through me. So all my pain came after during the healing process.

Isn't it funny though how we forget the details of the real pain? Otherwise we would all only have one baby!

Heather of the EO said...

What is magical is that you don't die. Love that sentence! You're too funny. I just love your posts.

And that is why I gave you an award today. Check it out :)

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I'm with Heather. This is my favorite part:
"I think having children is magical. Especially because you don't die. (and also because of the children)"

So true.

Heather said...

Thanks for sharing. If you really can write about the other one, I will be even more amazed at your writing skills than I already am. You are a brave woman.

Jen said...

I'm so glad I've never had to have the magical experience of childbirth with no epidural. I'm scared the magic wouldn't have worked for me because I'm such a wimp.

God Bless the USA and all her epidural docs!

kitchenditcher said...

All three of my children are adopted so I don't have any "Launch A Big Orange Rabbit" stories!!

But I do have an amazing one when my son was born and I was in the room with the birth mother.

It's a post in the making.

Melanie J said...

Hm. Don't think I could do it without an epidural. Both of my labors have been over 24 hours.

I have tons of questions that I keep meaning to ask but they're not "fun" questions, so you might think they're kind of boring to answer, but here they are:

What is the Polish perception of Americans culturally and politically? Does any of our pop culture trickle over there? What are some weird things you've seen Poles appropriate from American culture?

And I know I said I had a ton but that's all I can think of right now.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Awesome post! My mother had eight children and she always said that as soon as she got on the labor table, (not sure why she called it that) it was like she never left but good thing she would forget the pain right after the baby was born or she would have never done it seven more times. I'm wanting to hear all the stories you have, Lisa!

Moody said...

I'm sorry you had such difficult and painful labors! Except for my first one (when I was completely uninformed and at the mercy of the staff) all my labors were tough, but not bad at all--very wonderful and empowering in fact. One word for anyone looking for a better birth experience(and no it's not epidural): MIDWIFE.

Amber said...

Lisa, you crack me up! I had my first with an epidural, too. But babies 2 and 3 I actually WANTED to have without any anesthesia and I'm happy to report that I got my wish both times. It IS tough, and it is a miracle that you can live through such painful experiences, but I have to remember that God made us to be able to have babies, and we CAN DO IT!!! :) I agree with Moody--midwives can make all the difference when it comes to better birthing experiences. So can training and preparation. We did hypnobirthing with our 3rd, and although I could never get myself into the state of hypnosis that I really wanted, the whole program helped me a lot to deal with labor on my own. Bryant slept through almost the whole labor and when we got to the hospital I was fully dilated and thought I would die while I waited for the midwife to arrive. Anyway, that's a story for my own blog! ;) By the way--please feel free to write about whatever you want to on YOUR BLOG!! In America, we call that Freedom of Speech! ;)

Melissa Bastow said...

Having kids is magical. Except that I really would have know, if c-sections didn't exist. Which makes the idea of having a baby in another country SUPER MEGA scary to me. Wow, you're brave.

Alison Wonderland said...

Wow, I'm sure glad you didn't die. I didn't either, not even once.

Becky said...

"I think having children is magical. Especially because you don't die."

Love it, love, love it! Thanks for answering my question.

I have a story about a pregnancy that didn't result in a child, too. I may share it someday, when I'm ready to go through all the emotions again.

Nance said...

Is it horrible that I like hearing about all of the difficult, painful labors/births so I know I'm not alone? I as a teenager that I would always have an epidural. I have always wanted one. I have never had one. Horrible! With #1, the needle came unhooked from the IV or something. The anesthesiologist chewed me out for being wimpy and my OBGYN made him come apologize to me in person the next day. With number 2 I arrived at the hospital, they checked me and I was a three or something. A bit later (like 40 ish minutes) I felt like I needed to push, they checked me, I was at a 9 1/2... no epidural, my doctor barely even made it to the hospital. Kid # 3 we paid out of pocket and I figured since I hadn't had an epidural yet and had stayed alive (miraculously) I'd rather continue on that path than pay for an epidural out of pocket. But I think I like the idea of knowing I could change my mind and have one at any minute, not like in Poland.

Anne said...

Funny, funny, funny! I don't know what I would do without Kaiser! Both births they asked if I wanted an epidural at 3 cm, so I've never felt anything more than really strong contractions, but the rest of the deliveries REALLY sucked with both of them for different reasons. I just realized you probably know as much of my labor stories as I know of yours! (Which is virtually nothing!) I'm sure glad you're blogging.

Anonymous said...

All four of my pregnancies were completely different except for one thing: I had morning sickness so bad that in the first trimester I lost twenty pounds and had to be hospitalized -- yes, ALL FOUR TIMES! And why did I keep having children, you ask? Well, that's the magical part --

It very well may have been five pregnancies for me, too, but when I miscarried, I hadn't even known I was pregnant, so it wasn't as emotionally difficult as I thought it would be. I had two more children after that, so thankfully no permanent damage. My sister has miscarried many times, however, and going through that with her was tremendously difficult. We learned a lot about a woman's stamina and the sanctity of life, however. Great lesson for a me as a teenager.