Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Size Doesn't Matter

I remember the Sunday after Evie was born. That morning I had just finished nursing her and, looking at the clock, saw that sacrament meeting must be starting in a few minutes for some ward in our church buiding a few houses down. I realized that I could probably "run" over, just to take the sacrament.

Leaving Ewelina home with Greg I waddled slowly to the chapel, entered and took a seat in the very back row. During the ward business a little girl, maybe 5 years old, in a white dress with a white ribbon in her hair skipped down the aisle to sit with her family. She was darling. But she made me cry.

One day Ewelina would be big like that: my tiny little Evie who I fed all day long and cuddled and breathed in and couldn't stop staring at. She wouldn't always be this helpless, dependent little itty-bitty person for whom my heart almost bursted with love. She would get bigger. She would be so different. Everything was going to change.

Back at home I told Greg about my sadness. He declared that he couldn't wait for her to grow up! He wanted to do things with our kids, teach them things and go on adventures. That seemed so weird to me. Didn't he want to hold them in his arms and have them sleeping on his chest, breathing their sweet baby breath forever and ever?

Fast forward almost 12 years and here I am. No Evie in the house for the month. I miss her. David went home with babcia and dziadek this morning (they'd been staying with us, along with Greg's sister, for almost 2 weeks). I cried my eyes out when David left.

So now I kind of feel like, what's the point? Why bother making a dinner that my big kids won't enjoy? What fun is there in watching a movie in the evening? What is lunch without the conversation I'm used to? And who on earth am I going to fight with to get them to do their jobs!?!

Answers I have come up with (in order): There is no point. Don't bother. No fun. Not a very good lunch, and no fighting at all.

So I seem to have come full circle. Oh, I love my little ones, no question about that! There is every reason to read stories, go for walks, tickle, watch videos, eat snacks and make scary monster noises while running around with my arms up all frighteningly. And I will. I love those things. But I sure have come to love all the things connected with the big kids that I once dreaded to have. I would even say that I still love them AS MUCH (maybe even MORE THAN) I did when they were a week old. Never would have thought it possible.

I'm sure learning a lot this summer. One thing being that hearts do not burst from being over-filled with love. I'm quite grateful for that.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Whine and Hot Drinks

Organization is required, I'm finding, to do life well. Or even medium-well. This is really too bad for me. (I think I'm currently doing it closer to rare.)

After a fun but hot day out exploring castle ruins with our guests, all our sweaty bodies flooded into the shelter of our home. My in-laws raced to the kitchen to put the kettle on for coffee and tea. What could be more refreshing, I ask you?

Tomorrow I'm sending my daughter across the ocean.

There are about 1,000 emails I want or need to write and almost as many blog posts that I want to read. At this point, though, I'm just hoping I make it through the week without having a stroke.

Life is exciting and I'm anxious to see where it takes me. Oh, I wish it was that easy; just sit back and watch life take you somewhere. Why do I have to be so heavily involved in it all? Can't I just sit down now and again, and watch myself go? SO TIRING.

Hopefully, once there's less going on and I'm not going so crazy and am able to keep my life a little better cooked, it will eventually steer me back to the computer. At least for a few minutes a day...

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

So Awesome

Yesterday Greg and I proved our awesomeness to a perfect stranger. This is not an uncommon occurrence for us. When you're awesome it's kind of hard to hide it. It WILL come out. Sometimes it's from strangers and sometimes it's just with your family. For example when, while weeding in the back yard, you suspect your 4 year old of purposefully stomping on a bug and explain, "Oh, honey! We should not kill things that Heavenly Father made!", then turn back around and continue ripping weeds out of the earth.

Yes, you just can't hide awesomeness. In this case, we couldn't keep it from the doctor who was checking out Aaron's leg. For a few weeks our boy was complaining about his leg and limping (even avoiding standing for almost whole days at a time) and the pediatrician sent us to a specialist in the hour-distant Rzeszów.

So we went. At the office, while I undressed Aaron, the doctor started getting some basic background information. (translated from Polish)

Dr: What's his name?

us: Aaron Pawlik

Dr: Date of birth?

Greg: Uuuum, the fourth..... right, Lisa?

me: No, the eighth.

Greg: That's right, the eighth of September.

me: No, ...... (pause while I think of the name of the month in Polish and put it in the right case kwiecien=April, kwietnia= of April*) April.

Greg: Yes, the eighth of April.

Dr: What year?

us: (looking at each other for a good 3-4 seconds) ...

me: ...four years ago.

Dr: Okay, so 2007.

us: That's right.

Dr: And... how many kids do you have?

Yeah, good question doctor. Especially considering Greg gave Evie's day of birth and David's month. Sure the doctor followed that question up with others about our kids that made it look like he was getting potential genetic type information that might help in making a diagnosis, but I'm pretty sure he was just trying to figure out what our deal was.

Fortunately, after a stressful hour of worrying that it might be something serious, x-rays revealed that it's probably not. So, thankfully it looks like Aaron won't have worrisome leg problems for the near future. Unfortunately, he will probably have to deal with parental lameness problems for the rest of his life. Wish there was a cure for that one, poor boy.

*I'm not kidding when I say I still am not sure about the all the names of the month in Polish.